thoughts on baby gavin

today, baby gavin passed away. he was two months old. he and his family went to the mainland for the holidays, and while there, he fell ill. he came down with RSV, then on top of that he got pertussis, and then pneumonia. he fought a hard battle. his little body tried, but in the end our Heavenly Father had a greater plan for him and called him home. the answers to our prayers may not always be to our liking, but the Lord, in His infinite wisdom is always there and hears them. all of them.
i can only imagine how natalie and her family are feeling right now. i tried to offer words of comfort to her postings, but sometimes fuddled them badly.
this whole incident made me think about my mom and her firstborn - my elder brother ehren. he lived for four days here on earth. i could not put myself in either of their shoes because i have never experienced the loss of a child.
baby gavin updates also brought back memories of when faith was born. when the doctor informed us of her heart defect, my first thoughts were that she was going to die. i didn't want it, didn't know what to expect, i felt an overwhelming sadness and helplessness. we all cope differently, i had my faith to turn to. i said prayers, priesthood blessings were administered, i had faith in the Lord. i had resigned myself to accepting whatever He wanted the outcome to be. being with her in the hospital was difficult. she looked very different from the first time i was able to hold her - right after she was born. there were tubes, she was somewhat swollen. more than anything in the world, i just wanted to hold her. hold my baby. the atmosphere in the hospital was heavy. there were babies who were very sick with grim outlooks, babies who were making progress, parents filled with hope. it was hard to get too excited when little improvements were made. you never knew what tomorrow would bring. you didn't want to get your hopes up. i tried to prepare myself mentally, emotionally for either outcome. i would be so thrilled to have faith here on earth with me, to have the privilege to raise her and watch her grow. but i also tried to prepare myself if she didn't make it. i found solace in my Savior, in His plan, in knowing that i would be able to see her again. i also found some peace in the fact that i could have babies. if her time here on earth were brief, i would be able to be blessed with more babies. i cried, i wrote down my feelings, my thoughts, i never wanted to leave faith's side to eat or sleep. i was in a daze. nothing else really mattered. not what i looked like, or what i wore, or what the latest news was, i had tunnel vision. i can only imagine the entirety of what natalie and richie are feeling. they are examples of extraordinary faith. my gratitude for temple blessings is as strong as ever. i am grateful for eternal familes. i am grateful for the plan of salvation. continue to pray for the nortons.